Sigh, Live Like.

 Image by Rog Walker

Like this, like that no, maybe a bit of both, etcetera.

You go through mad ish just to get right back where you started. I take a lotta pleasure in deconstructing norms that I was imbued with, I’ve reached a place now where my own truths no longer scare or disgust me.

I am not made for sexual monogamy.

I am with the idea of being emotionally attached to one person, I have pored this over in my mind and I don’t think it’s anything special or odd about me, I reckon most people feel this way, they’d rather just not act on it. Let me be clear, I am hypothesising, I don’t have some kinda heightened view on how humans oughta behave sexually, but I am not sure I am cut out for it. I tried it for two years and I succeeded largely but it was work, avoiding situations and people with  whom I was so sexually compatible with. I mean because I didn’t want to hurt anyone. It’s a totally selfish way of being, I get that, I mean how do you say to someone you’re with,

“Erm, I want us to be together but I’d like to make no sexual commitments to you, I promise I’ll always have safe sex though and to get myself tested every three months. And oh, don’t ask me any questions about who it is I have been with and should you feel the need to do the same, just work with the same terms I’ve stipulated”

It’s a totally assholic thing to do, I can’t even front and honestly, 9/10 people would show you the door. Not because they wouldn’t do the same if they could but, possession! This odd idea your partner should exercise their sexual urges only with you, that they should deny sexual attraction to other people.

I have always been about keeping it real, I’d rather someone just tells me straight up what the deal is than to find out that being with me is stifling who they really are. That would hurt more that I care for. But perhaps I am wrong in assuming that other people are built like me. Sex is crazy intimate but it is not love (or something like it).

This entry was published on January 6, 2015 at 12:23 am. It’s filed under NSFW and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

7 thoughts on “Sigh, Live Like.

  1. Not many people are made for it. Especially not women. It is conditioned & we accept for a number of reasons.

    IMO, I think people are sexually monogamous for a few reasons mainly ‘Health and Trust’ (we won’t mention religious ideology, cos it’s largely conditioned)

    MY POV: I like to play and explore. There is a level of trust required for executing safe play. Also prolonged pleasure is a thing that sometimes you can’t guarantee with new partners.
    One has to know you, know your quirks, know that sometimes you want ‘gentle’ between hard (vice-versa).
    That sometimes you need to be taken and sometimes you need to take.
    extremely rough, to be able to anticipate that you need to be soft whilst being hard.
    That to truly be dominant you need to know what it means and how it feels to be submissive and that comes from practise.
    To also know that the sub is the real person in control.
    To understand that tantra is not just some neat abstention trick it really does require more than just teasing

    Time goes into truly being able to know and explore a partner, this is simply easier within the confines of a monogamous relationship.

    Monogamy shouldn’t mean you can’t find other people attractive or even flirt with them. You should be able to discuss these attractions to other people with your partner and even.

    It is what it is. Just know that you don’t have to constrain yourself to any ideology.
    You might want to be sexually fluid today, not tomorrow… You might want to be polyamorous today and monogamous tomorrow. It is all part of the human farce.

    Explore it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nice article!! interesting confession. This is an observation I have made about people especially in the African community. Societal norms and constructs compel people- usually men in african communities to marry and then become philanderers for this very reason you have stated. It would be beautiful if more people started being honest first with themselves as you have been and found partners who would be comfortable with that. you would be surprised at how many people share your perspective but are too afraid to “come out” of the closet. lol


  3. lol! I’m just surprised none of those charming young men on twitter called you a “thot” or “hoe”. Interesting article anyway. I believe in monogamy 100% so I can’t relate.


  4. Anke on said:

    I literally spend most of my spare time here reading your articles. You are talented and i’m in awe of you. From far away from you, I like you very much and i’m not ashamed to say it.

    can i send you an email please?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: