Like this, like that no, maybe a bit of both, etcetera.
You go through mad ish just to get right back where you started. I take a lotta pleasure in deconstructing norms that I was imbued with, I’ve reached a place now where my own truths no longer scare or disgust me.
I am not made for sexual monogamy.
I am with the idea of being emotionally attached to one person, I have pored this over in my mind and I don’t think it’s anything special or odd about me, I reckon most people feel this way, they’d rather just not act on it. Let me be clear, I am hypothesising, I don’t have some kinda heightened view on how humans oughta behave sexually, but I am not sure I am cut out for it. I tried it for two years and I succeeded largely but it was work, avoiding situations and people with whom I was so sexually compatible with. I mean because I didn’t want to hurt anyone. It’s a totally selfish way of being, I get that, I mean how do you say to someone you’re with,
“Erm, I want us to be together but I’d like to make no sexual commitments to you, I promise I’ll always have safe sex though and to get myself tested every three months. And oh, don’t ask me any questions about who it is I have been with and should you feel the need to do the same, just work with the same terms I’ve stipulated”
It’s a totally assholic thing to do, I can’t even front and honestly, 9/10 people would show you the door. Not because they wouldn’t do the same if they could but, possession! This odd idea your partner should exercise their sexual urges only with you, that they should deny sexual attraction to other people.
I have always been about keeping it real, I’d rather someone just tells me straight up what the deal is than to find out that being with me is stifling who they really are. That would hurt more that I care for. But perhaps I am wrong in assuming that other people are built like me. Sex is crazy intimate but it is not love (or something like it).